Confidence Building for My Food Allergic Child

My middle child was diagnosed with food allergies when she was almost 4 months old. She was tested for many things because of this unbelievable rash that literally covered her from head to toe. It was the rash on her head that was particularly gruesome–her scalp was just a yellow oozing mess. Turns out after many painful tests–physical for my little one and emotional for me–we found out not only did my daughter have this infantile immune deficiency, which was causing the infection on her head to spread, but she was also allergic to peanuts, dairy and dairy proteins, egg protein and shellfish. And she never ate any of these things. I did. Oh yes, my precious little one who caused people to quickly avert their eyes in horror because of the viscous mass of yellow on her sweet head, was allergic to the very food I ate, which showed up in the breastmilk. How’s that for cross contamination?

At four months old, middle child was treated with a daily dose of antibiotics for a year to improve her the immune system. Her scalp healed in a few months and her hair slowly started to grow. Every year, middle child gets these dreaded blood tests to check on her immune system and food allergies. Her immune system is steadily improving but we still need to start aggressive treatment whenever she is getting a cold. For some reason, her delicate skin starts flaring up and her small lungs get globs of junk in them, making her struggle for every precious breath. It’s funny, as difficult as this is, sometimes it’s not as hard as dealing with the food allergies. Because with every cold that turns into bronchiolitis or pneumonia, I know things will soon pass within a week or two. With the food allergies, there is no break. Not one.

You’d think after six years, I’d have this food allergy thing down pat. And for the most part I have. I’ve found ways to manage food in the household, go to grocery stores and restaurants, deal with parents and schools, survive kid’s birthday parties and find support from family. And make it a point to stay extra vigilant. For me, the thing that is sometimes hard to deal with is the emotional aspect of the food allergies and the overwhelming isolation that comes from helplessness and solitary confinement.

This feeling immobilizes me at times, so over the past few years, it was incredibly important for me to make sure my daughter has plenty of self-esteem, confidence and strength to deal with food allergies before she started school. All. Because. I don’t want her to be the kid who is taunted and perhaps even threatened with some food allergic item. I don’t want her to be a kid who will eat whatever someone gives her because she doesn’t want to say no to an adult or is afraid of being teased. Or be labelled as “because of that food allergic kid we can’t…” Or act like a victim and whine about why she can’t eat something. And I certainly don’t want my daughter to feel bad about herself because she is different.

I want my child to know and understand her food allergies, food choices and reactions. I want her to know she is powerful and accountable for her body and health. My child needs to know that sometimes despite the best of intentions, people don’t always have her best interest at heart. And know how to deal with friends and adults when they ask or complain about food allergies. Because of this, she needs to be confident enough to say no and to question an adult.

I want my child to experience wonderful friendships free from the clutter of food allergies. I want my daughter to have the confidence and self-esteem to know that food allergies do not define her and limit her. And celebrate her uniqueness and strength within her to fluff off whatever is thrown her way.

She needs this incredible confidence, this heady self-esteem, this glowing sense of empowerment, because I won’t be with her all the time. It was so easy when she was little. So, so easy. I was her advocate and able to either prevent or deal with allergic reactions. Now it’s another story. Middle child is in school and I now have to trust others will cooperate to keep my child safe. To ensure this, I have an extra special secret weapon. My delightful child. With her sassy can do attitude, her quick charming wit, fierce stare down, and uncanny ability to grill an adult about food ingredients until he/she sweats, I know my child is well prepared to take charge of her food allergies with agility and style. Now that’s what I’m talking about.

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Vivian Lee Mahoney

Consider yourself warned: I write books about rebels. I'm also a postergirlz for readergirlz, a literary advisory group for teens. Who knew going back to the teenage years would be so rewarding?

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